Hard Decisions Ahead: The Love of Writing Versus the Popularity Contest

[LEGAL USE OF THIS PHOTO LICENSED AND SECURED VIA DREAMSTIME - October 2014]

Today is a day that I should stay off social media outlets. However, this is my blog…a place to reflect upon the world around me; a place to say what’s on my mind. To be frightfully -- and brutally -- honest, I'm not really sure that I'm not the only person reading my blog.

That being said, today is a day of genuine disappointment and disillusionment for me as a writer.

This week is a week that I no longer feel like participating in the entertainment industry.

For most of my life, I’ve enjoyed creative writing. Writing is entertaining to me, as well as emotionally therapeutic. In fact, writing is entertainment not only to me but to the reading public at large.

By contrast, being part of the entertainment industry is often depressing and disappointing. It is a ratings game – an environment where authors, performers, artists, singers, actors and actresses all vie for the attentions of an audience and the respect of their industry and peers. It is also a money machine, focused… no, more like obsessed…with sales, investments, profits, and returns. It is a grind of modern capitalism.

It is also a popularity contest; my least favorite aspect.

I frequently advise writers to ignore the Amazon rankings and sales charts when reflecting upon their own work; that the value of their art and creativity should not be relegated to where their works reside in numbered lists. However, this week I violated my own advice and perused the Amazon rankings for my own novels.

Suffice to say, I was sadly disappointed.  I’m definitely not winning any popularity contests with regard to my outstanding novels at the present time.

A sense of rejection quickly permeated my spirit. I felt dejected and disappointed.

It made me feel as if my writing wasn’t positively contributing to the body of published literature at large in the marketplace. It made me wonder if my own work was meritorious to readers.

Those negative feelings caused me to stop writing on my current projects, namely manuscripts for my second Logan Bringer novel and my fifth Sunset Vampire novel.

It’s important to understand that authors, just like any performers or artists, receive satisfaction in seeing their work actively viewed or digested by others. It is perhaps a reflection of our own vanity, though more often – and as is the case with me, I believe – it’s a reflection of seeking broader acceptance. It’s a matter of validation that my work is good enough for others.

For authors, it’s not solely a matter of sale for the purposes of income (though paying bills and putting food on the table is important to me), it’s more like those sales numbers indicate that other people find value in my creations.

It’s a mark of perceived worthiness…of being embraced socially. Certainly, people are social creatures, are we not? 

 I don’t like feeling depressed and disappointed. I’m generally a happy person. In the midst of my melancholy, I sought solace and inspiration anywhere that I could find it.

Then I remembered someone who has spoken to my heart since I first heard him as guest speaker at the May 2012 graduation ceremony at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia.

Neil Gaiman.

Neil is the famous author of many award-winning novels, including the graphic novel, The Sandman. I often reflect on his momentous 2012 graduation speech, which you can view at http://www.uarts.edu/neil-gaiman-keynote-address-2012.

One of his many key reflections in his presentation included, "...when you start off, you have to deal with the problems of failure. You need to be thick-skinned, to learn that not every project will survive. "

I genuinely needed to hear him say that to me.

It’s never easy seeing your creations being largely overlooked in the marketplace.

Neal also said, “A freelance life, a life in the arts, is sometimes like putting messages in bottles, on a desert island, and hoping that someone will find one of your bottles and open it and read it, and put something in a bottle that will wash its way back to you: appreciation, or a commission, or money, or love. And you have to accept that you may put out a hundred things for every bottle that winds up coming back.”

Not everything we do as artists or writers will be accepted by the masses. It’s a harsh reality to confront and become comfortable with.

 I listened to the entire speech twice, in fact. His words were encouraging and soothing and somewhat reassuring.

 After a short time in silent reflection, I have decided that my own disappointment in the recent sales performance of my novels will not keep me from continuing my writing. At my core, my writing is intended for me as much as for others. It helps me work through things that are processing inside me, whether that's my imagination, or my emotions, or merely my assessments of life or the world at large.

That being said, publishing is a business, and if my novels don’t sell very well, it may not be fiscally possible for my future works to continue being published.

Even if my future works aren’t published, at least I’ll have my manuscripts for my own personal sense of accomplishment and reflection, including the satisfaction that comes from completing them in their entirety.

Of course, as an avid reader, no longer going through the grind of the publishing process and all of the work that it entails would leave me with more time for me to read what others have written. At the very least, I could help contribute to the satisfaction and support of other authors.

I’ll ponder on it further, I suppose.

Either way, I hope that your life will be fulfilled with a sense of satisfaction and acceptance.

Late Summer Sunflowers

Sunflowers of late September. (Photos by Jaz Primo, Sept. 2014)

Fall is my favorite time of year. While enjoying the cool early-autumn breeze during one of my recent neighborhood aerobic walks, I welcomed the long-overdue cooler temperatures and overcast skies. Then I caught sight of some sunflowers in the waning stages of bloom and it generated a momentary wave of nostalgia. While I’m no fan of my state’s oppressive summer heat and humidity, I appreciate the beauty found in those vibrant sunflowers. They reminded me of Vincent Van Gogh’s iconic and mesmerizing sunflower paintings.

 My reflections were accompanied by the realization that with autumn’s arrival, everything was preparing to go dormant in anticipation of the winter. Though, at least in my portion of the country, winter is more than what the majority of the nation calls autumn. Honestly, this is a state of hard weather that matches the hard character of many of its residents; hard and unrelenting. But, I digress. Nevertheless, I considered the passage of time and how, like the sunflowers, our lives are marked by the increasingly swiftly-passing seasons. Then it reminded me how quickly time passes and how we should savor beautiful moments when they occur. As such, I savored the view of the sunflowers as I reveled in the early days of fall.

Sunflowers of late summer. (Photo by Jaz Primo, Sept. 2014)

And now for a quick update on how my new kitty, Tabby, is doing. My little furry tyke is taking nicely to her new home, complete with toys, multiple carpeted places to perch, and no less than two healthy dry kitten foods. She also made her first visit to one of the best cat specialty veterinarians in the central part of our state. Dr. Edwards and her kind staff were immediately smitten with Tabby, who seemed to appreciate the attention. Oh, and as with all kittens, Tabby has a curiosity streak a mile long. As you can see from the photo below, she has a strong affiliation toward recycling. In fact, she inspects the basket’s contents herself to ensure that it’s appropriate for recycling. But then, that’s kittens for you.

Tabby in the recycling basket. (Photo by Jaz Primo, Sept. 2014)

Enjoy autumn, and take a moment to gaze at the waning summer flowers.

Tabby…My Newly Adopted Furry Companion

Life can be filled with amazing surprises, don’t you agree?

Speaking of surprises, I’m happy to announce the adoption of my new furry companion, Tabby! She’s a two month old gray tabby cat that I adopted from my local animal shelter. She’s SO CUTE and ADORABLE! (Cray-cray adorbs!!)

Jaz and Tabby on adoption day.

Some of you may recall that my long-lived kitty, Selina, passed away last October. I’ve been mourning Selina for nearly a year, and was recently inspired by my dear friend, Jessica, to seek a new furry companion through my local animal shelter, thereby saving the life of an innocent kitty in need of a family.

We proceeded to the shelter where there was a meet-and-greet room containing numerous kittens and young cats. As soon as we walked into the room cats walked over to us to inspect their newest guests. While squatting on the floor petting a couple of young cats, a small gray female kitten quietly walked over to me and sat between my feet. I looked down at her and she gazed back up at me with endearing greenish eyes, quietly staring at me. I reached down to gently scratch her head and stroke my finger under her chin. She rolled her head slightly and I sensed she liked me, so I cupped her in my hand and lifted her close to my chest. She took to me immediately, nestling herself against me and purring, so I knew she was ‘the one.’

Jessica kept her company as I completed the adoption process, and I learned that only the day before she had been spayed. The shelter provided me with excellent medical information on her medications and post-operative care instructions, as well as a nice cardboard box to carry her home in. Of course, she was quickly in Jessica’s lap as we drove away. Following a quick stop at Petsmart to acquire some high-quality kitten food, we came home and got her settled in. It was on our drive to my home that the name Tabby came to mind. I think it really suits her.

It's Tabby!

She seems to be settling nicely in my home and her frequent little mews melt my heart. She has an entire room in my home for her use, as well as various cat climbing structures, scratching posts, a variety of kitty toys, and an easy-to-use mini-kitty litter box, which fortunately she took to immediately.

I anticipate many happy years ahead of us, and it feels really nice to have a new furry member of my family. Already, my home feels much warmer with her residing there. If you’re considering a new addition to your family, I strongly encourage you to go to your local animal shelter first. You’ll not only be saving the life of an innocent animal, you’ll be adding a grateful, loving new furry member to your own family. That’s something that has already enriched my world in heartfelt, satisfying ways.

Jaz’s First Podcast Appearance

I recently experienced my very first podcast interview via Skype, and it was totally a blast. I’d never taken part in one before but have appreciated listening to them, so it was an exciting opportunity when I was recently invited to be part of an episode of Raz N Dark Podcast. I’m in episode 18 titled “Barely Legal.”

The Raz N Dark crew was very kind to me and each had a remarkable sense of humor that I felt right at home with, including everyone’s appreciation for Doctor Who, which I’m happy to say weighed heavily in the podcast. I think you’ll appreciate listening to the episode, though my introduction into the session doesn’t begin until approximately ten minutes into it. Still, these are very entertaining people and I’m confident that you’ll enjoy the entire podcast. Oh, and I was very pleased that our discussions were totally unscripted and lasted for well over half an hour or so, which made it doubly enjoyable for me. So many times during interviews you’re literally racing to have a quick discussion before being ushered off the show. But that wasn’t the case here, and I thoroughly enjoyed my visit. Please listen to it and let me know what you think!

 Click on the following link to go to the podcast: Click Here

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Having been called out by numerous people, I responded to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness for Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Enjoy my video!

Laughter Remembered

[Photo by Alice Herden. – Legal use licensed via Dreamstime - August 2014]

Robin Williams made me laugh.

He left me with a smile on my face long after the punchline. Robin had a gift that made life a little bit easier to confront for the rest of us. By all accounts, he was a kind, generous, and giving person. He brought visibility to charities and causes, gave hope to those in difficult circumstances, and entertained generations of people.

Now he’s gone, and the world’s a little darker place because of it.

However, the laughter will be remembered. It’s something we can carry with us in our hearts forever. And it’s something that we can pass along to cement his legacy and continue his efforts to reach out to others.

I'm doing it, and I hope you will, too. Remember the laughter and share it. Rest in peace, Robin. Make God laugh.

 Life can be hard to cope with sometimes. My father always said, “You often don’t have control over what happens to you in life, but you always have control over how you choose to react to it.”

Unfortunately, for those who suffer from chronic depression, the desire to react a certain way isn’t so easily available as it might be for others. If you feel that life is just too much for you to handle, don’t give in to a sense of despair. There are people around you who care about you and who want to help. Let them help you. That’s what loved ones are here for.

Finally, if all else fails, and you feel you’re at the end of your rope, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It's a free, confidential call, and there are trained counselors who care and who truly know how to help you.

Be well.

Arachnophobia

[PHOTO BY Suprijono Suharjoto - LEGAL USE LICENSED VIA DREAMSTIME - AUGUST 2014]

I killed a large spider in my bathroom today. *shivering*
Some of you might know about my fear of spiders and may well wonder if I’m exaggerating or not. But yes, it really was a large spider...at least in my estimation it was. With its legs spread out, it was about the size of a fifty-cent piece. I don’t care what anyone else has to say, that was big!

One might well wonder how I can fear spiders when one of my all-time favorite comic heroes is Spiderman. For one, Spiderman wasn’t a real spider; he was a human who had been infused with spider-like qualities and abilities. I mean, Wonder Woman wasn’t really a wonder—wait, no, she really was, actually. But there’s always Superman, who really wasn’t all that super—no, he really was pretty super, wasn’t he? *pausing*
Hm, this analogy is really much harder than I first considered. *contemplating*

Okay, analogies aside, the real issue is that I’m afraid of spiders. I realize they’re quite useful, essential creatures in the overarching ecosystems around the planet, but I find them intimidating and quite terrifying. So, I’m happy to let them have the run of the outdoors, including barns, storage buildings, and occasionally, a small corner of my garage. But inside my house, the premises are wholly off-limits to spiders! All I need is a little postage stamp-sized spider-free zone in my life from which to seek refuge and I’m quite happy.

Going back to that comic heroes theme, I’m a big fan of Spiderwoman, too. In fact, I might like her slightly better than Spiderman because…well, she’s quite an attractive woman. *shrugging* What red-blooded man wouldn’t be interested in her, right? But I digress.

Now, where was I? Did I mention that I killed a large spider in my bathroom today?

Jazzed About Rain

[Photo by Stuart Blyth - Legal use licensed via Dreamstime - July 2014]

I’m a big fan of rainy days.
It’s raining today with temperatures unseasonably cool in the lower 70s. Outside, the rain is periodically cycling between drizzle and rhythmic showers. It feels truly marvelous for this time of year. Ever since I was a child, I have enjoyed the rain, even thunderstorms. There’s a snuggly sense of comfort and relaxation associated with watching rain fall, as well as hearing the soothing sounds of raindrops hitting the window pane. It’s especially nice when clouds are thick enough to affect the outdoor light levels, giving that near-evening appearance. In my mind, it conjures thoughts of lazy days spent reading a good book while sipping tea. There are few things more satisfying than perching on a cushioned window seat while flipping pages in a book…or scrolling through a novel on my Kindle. Then perhaps a nap. *smiling*

It may surprise you to know that I also enjoy going shopping on rainy days. Though rather unusual for a guy, I like to browse shopping malls and stores on rainy days. Don’t ask me why, but in my mind there’s just something sedate about shopping when it’s raining. Of course, I especially enjoy browsing through bookstores on rainy or cold days. Granted, with my smartphone or iPad, I can go browsing through an online bookstore no matter where I happen to be, but I prefer casually perusing the aisles of an actual bookstore. Regardless of my environment, my mood is typically lighter and more carefree on rainy days. There’s something calming about the sights and sounds of rain falling; it invokes a quieter, introspective state of mind in me. And let’s not forget the soothing appearance of rainwater as it trickles down the outer surface of the glass.

I’m going to go watch the rain fall some more while I listen to the raindrops falling outside. Are you a fan of rainy days? Drop me a line and let me know. Enjoy your day!

The Frogs of Summer

[Legal use of this photo licensed and secured via Dreamstime - July 2014]

I’m a big fan of frogs, especially Kermit the Frog, but that’s another thing altogether. Sure, they’re handy little critters for eating insects, but according to biologists they’re also an excellent source of gauging environmental impact to an ecosystem. Apparently, frogs and their behaviors react quickly to abrupt changes or contamination in their ecosystem, making them excellent to serve as “Nature’s Detectors.”

However, I’m also fascinated by the various body types and colors in the frog community. It’s true that many are quite alien-looking, but some are quite colorful and artistic looking while others are actually somewhat cute and endearing. Yes, it’s an unusual way to describe frogs, but hey, I have an affinity for them. They can actually evoke a sense of personality in a certain light.

Around my house, frogs are a common sight. Not only do I live across the street from a neighborhood pond (stocked with fish, though that’s another story for a different day), but I have a number of flowerbeds around my home which are very hospitable for frogs. They’re fun to watch and they help keep the bug population down around the house. I’ve noticed that the annual June bug infestation is much more manageable with frogs around.

Part of the soft spot in my heart for frogs was formed as a child via Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street and The Muppet Show. However, that affinity carried on into adulthood, as well. A few years ago, I helped a small, ailing tree frog through the winter after he was caught in a freak ice storm early in the season. I put him in a small aquarium in my den and simulated his habitat, complete with a warming lamp and food such as crickets from the local pet shop. He appeared quite pleased and I released him back to the wild early the next spring. Needless to say, I felt really good about our time together.

Are you also an avid frog fan or supporter? Drop me a response, and if you have your own frog story, please share it with me.

The Operating System of My Dreams?

Recently, I watched an excellent, Academy-nominated 2013 film called Her. While the acting was outstanding and emotions evoked were compelling, the premise of the near-future storyline itself was especially thought-provoking. In the movie, a man named Theodore (played by Joaquin Phoenix) installs a sweeping new operating system on his computer that’s supposed to present refined artificial intelligence that interacts with the computer user. The operating system (voiced by the talented actress Scarlett Johansson) begins its independent existence by naming itself Samantha. The OS soon interacts with Theodore in a highly realistic, nearly human, manner. Over time, Samantha’s personality develops in highly nuanced fashion, eventually reaching self-realization and sentience.
I won’t spoil the film for you, but what proceeds is an emotional journey between two beings. Suffice to say, the movie made me contemplate humanity’s continued technological innovations and improvements in computer processing and operating systems development. I wonder if there will come a time in the not-too-distant future – or at least, during my lifetime – when an operating system might reach a quasi-sentient level of interaction (or simulated interaction) with people that mimics a fellow human being. Would that be a good thing, or would it merely encourage people with reclusive personalities to further withdraw from interacting with other people?
It occurs to me that there are situations or conditions where people might not have the luxury of living in areas where there are large numbers of people to interact with; in which case, having a computer-based, human-simulated entity might be reassuring for someone.
Granted, a number of films and books have examined this situation before. Consider the station computer named GERTY from the engaging 2009 film Moon starring Sam Rockwell, or Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 film 2001: A Space Odyssey in which the H.A.L. 9000 computer system serves as both human nurturer and suspicious antagonist for the astronauts. Despite a series of past examples, there are always fresh human drama opportunities available for an author to mine for future novels and films on the subject. Essentially, the human experience is dynamic and there’s always a demand by readers for compelling, emotional storyline.
Perhaps I’ll consider my own future storyline. Hmm…